It took a full three days back in Switzerland before I got yelled at for not sticking to the rules. As I was about to find out, it wouldn't be the last time. I'm not sure what it was. Whether people just sensed that I was kind of new (-ly back) to it or it was just my perception. But for the first 3-4 months I was reminded every other week to stick to the rules. "Reminded" because in Switzerland it seems that every other person considers themselves responsible to enforce written and unwritten laws. For a country that's neutral on the world stage we have a damn many wannabe cops policing the streets. For example when one crosses the street on a red light (despite no traffic to be seen anywhere) or one doesn't carry an ID when going to the gym (… better not to ask…). The phenomenon disappeared after a while. I keep telling myself it's because I adopted the grim facial expression that's so common to Zurich-people walking around in public and no one dares approaching me anymore. But more likely it's because unknowingly I've started adhering to the rules.

While this real-life comedy was somewhat entertaining, it also added stress to an already uncomfortable situation I found myself in: My home did not feel like "Home". Of course, I knew the place. I'd lived in Zurich for almost all of my life before moving to the US for those few years. But it just didn't feel right. I felt like I could have moved to Shanghai and it would've been as exhausting to settle in. I missed a lot of things. The friends I had won in Chicago. The grocery shopping on a Sunday, followed by watching football and baseball in parallel at the sports bar around the corner. That very special person I'd left in Chicago, and who'd grown so close to my heart. But then there were also the great things about life in Zurich. Being able to go skiing or hiking just a 1.5h car or train ride from my place. Seeing all the friends I still have in this city more often again. And making new friends.

I went through an emotional volatility that I have not experienced before in my life. It took me a while to realize that leaving life in Chicago behind and getting back the emotional connection to this place and the people here was going to be a journey with no shortcuts. I had to accept the insecurity about whether this was the right move. And I tried, as much as possible, allowing myself that emotional volatility.